Temi's Discrepancy.

 

/SENSITIVITY/- a tendency to have strong emotional reactions, especially to be offended easily.

Temi constantly likened her emotions to blown up balloon, she opined that the slightest thing could deflate her. She was constantly aware, overly observant and read the actions of people like it was a best seller. She was constantly at war with words, words often spoken with nonchalance. Every night, the words of men put her to bed, and each morning served as her alarm.

Temi’s skin was very aware too, it was as flexible as dough subject to the shift and turn of the baker’s fingers and submitted to his strength. Every pinch too hard, her skin was dressed in scars from actions that whispered on the skin of others, while they screamed on hers. She was like a flower, frail and beautiful- plucked and serving limited purpose, at least that was what she thought.

Temi hated being so sensitive, it was a curse.

/EMPATHY/- the ability to understand how someone feels because you can imagine what it is like to be like them.

The thing is, she was also an empath. So, she lived her life in other’s shoes, it could be said that it was not her life that she lived, but the life of whoever she understood. Temi was attuned to hurt, she knew how it was to have your emotions slashed, so she never slashed.

Temi was burdened with the knowledge of pain, much pain had been given to her- as a result she awarded herself the obligation to treat others with care. Knowledge didn’t bring freedom for her, it brought chains.

This was how she carried on, understanding everyone. When you think of Temi, think of a warrior with a sword in his middle, and a hand to his wound, crawling in pain, not giving up but struggling to take others to safety. Temi and her heart heavy with pain walked around, promising that it would be okay, because she knew more than anyone what it was to be not okay.

/PEOPLE PLEASER/- a person who tries to make others happy, at the expense of their comfort.

She lived for others, and the only time she was really happy was when she was serving someone. Like a junkie starved of heroin, she itched when she had nothing to do for people, and like a workaholic she loved the feeling of being spent.

But the thing about doing for people is that you believe that they’ll do for you too. Temi believed so much that if she continued to give herself, she’ll never really have to search for help if she needed it- but you know and I know that lies like masquerades danced in her belief.  

So, Temi gave- and when in need, was merged with disappointment. She became one with heart ache, they were declared so by this self-acclaimed preacher called people pleaser.

/BOUNDARIES /- something that indicates or fixes a limit, or the extent to which a thing will go.

At this point, I’m sure you know as much as I know that Temi didn’t know when to stop. She didn’t even know how to stop. There seemed to be no lines, no middle ground. She was either over doing it or over doing it. The concept of boundaries seemed too harsh, and how would she get her fix of a minute happiness if she didn’t do, or give.

Temi had reached an impasse, at her fountain water had ceased.

And in the words of Rupi Kaur;

“When I hit the rock bottom

That exists after the rock bottom

And no rope or hand appeared,

I wondered,

What if nothing wants me-

Because I do not want me”.

Temi came to a realization that she was all she had, that she owed all to herself first. She was cloaked with the duty to nurture her sensitivity, to appreciate it, to love it- it was how being an empath wouldn’t hurt her.

She owed her time, love and affection to herself first before any other person, that she could only fake loving herself for so long, and if she didn’t truly love herself, she couldn’t show up authentically for people. Temi had to please herself FIRST.

She knew she had to create boundaries, so she could stop when the need arose.

 

PS: I really really want to end this by saying I’m Temi, but the truth is it’s never easy. You’ll catch yourself over sharing, and over giving sometimes. Do me a favour and remind yourself that you deserve to be PRIORITY. I’ll do you a favour and remind myself too. Love you.💓