1. I think that when you lose something good, you never forget what it was and how it made you feel
But I don’t believe in regrets and I’m the queen of letting things be
And now everything is falling down, you could call me London Bridge
But maybe there’s still a chance? How do I not ruin it again?
My fears lead me, they’ll always lead me, and they make me take risks
Consequently making me cower, how do I know that this will be worth it?
Maybe that’s the wrong question maybe I should ask if I’ll pick you over my fears
I think not.
2. I think that absolutely nothing is sure
That is; you and me- this love thing
It’s not sure.
I’m not saying I don’t love you, or that you’re not my person
And that you don’t listen to my problems and make life easier for me by just being there
I’m not saying that the way you love me is not the dream of every girl
I’m not saying that this your selflessness is not the key that unlocks my heart,
I’m not saying you are not the key.
I DO, YOU ARE, YOU DO, IT IS, YOU ARE THE KEY
I’m saying that this life is too uncertain
And that humans are unpredictable
I’m saying that hurt is inevitable
And I’m saying that maybe to back out now is right
Because as sure as your love is, and as sure as our connection is
This life is no respecter of love or of person
So maybe one day you’ll find someone
Who is a junkie for risks and maybe you’ll
Be happy.
Think of me always
With love eternally
I’ll always be yours.
3. I hope that as you say the words ‘I do’
You imagine me by your side, for just a second
Because that’s the only picture in my head
And I wish I could paint, then maybe it would seem real.
You, the way you fear change
And the way you knew you had me, but those insecurities
And the way they fought us
That is the way this fear fought us,
It was what kept me from saying I want forever
And it was what kept me from letting myself go, truly
It was what kept me from accepting that you had accepted me
And it is what keeps me from being there today
To scream my rejection
And now my peace is forever held.
4. Dear ex-lover and friend,
Confidant and supporter
How do I explain that I feel free without you?
And that I no longer have the weight of the world on me
How do I explain to you, that without the stares of people
And without the expectations from you,
My steps are lighter
How do I make you sit on my sit, and wear my eyes?
To walk in my shoes and see it my way?
How do I let you know that I loved you too much
That I didn’t want people to know I was yours, and you were mine
That it welcomed invisible pressure?
How do I explain to you, that I loved you in a way the world wouldn’t understand?
And that I’d have preferred you to love me in silence than in the open.
How do I explain the tug of war that went on in my mind?
How do I explain that I wanted out since?
That I want to be your friend, I want to remain your friend
That I stayed because I loved you, that I write this because I love you
And that maybe when you read it, you’ll understand the tornado that resides in my heart
And maybe you’ll look at me with that love you wore so freely for the world to see again.
5. It’s been 1 month
Only one month!
We may not be together again
But I love you and I hate you
I love that you grew up
And told me you were done
I honestly never thought you would.
I love that the cycle of my indecisiveness
And our constant banter finally got to you.
Maybe I wanted to see if you could really let me go
Maybe I didn’t.
I want you to know that
I hate you for letting me go
And that I love you too for it
Because I’m aware I never gave you my all
I need you to know that you did everything right
And you loved me right
That you gave your all
And the reason you didn’t have me all
Is because I’m half a person
And that’s all I had to give.
6. Two months, Mr. x
A whole two months!
I want to say I’m sorry
Because, you didn’t truly know me
And that is my cross to bear
Because you never understood that drama is my fuel
And I thrive on chaos
You never understood that my veins and arteries
Are intertwined with disorder
That I loved to fight with you
Because it showed me you cared
That I got bored with easy and I loved to challenge you
I’m sorry that I never told you
I hate that you never saw through my lies
I hate that like everyone else you believed who I supposedly was
And I hate you for not seeing the me that I was scared to embrace
With all the puzzle pieces I gave you, you never could complete it
I hate you so much, that I love you for not seeing it
Because if you had, you’d have run,
So I’m grateful for the time spent with you
I’m happy you knew me at least on the surface.
I still hatelove you, and I’ll probably always
But I have hope, that the magician made for me
Will master my tricks, and cast spells that make me dizzy with wholeness
So till my magician comes.
This is Goodbye, have a nice life.
