If you had asked me last year, I’d
have told you
That nobody would ever see me
finish.
I have come to tell you my loves,
that I have been SEEN.
Like an onion, I have many
layers, we all do-
And I used to be so scared,
Completely frightened of letting people,
See all of me.
Soaked in awareness of my flaws,
and if I felt and breathed them so much,
How much more you?
And so, I tied my tongue, keeping
all truth contained
Modifying all of my words, till
they weren’t mine anymore
Saying maybe, when I meant NO.
Bending and twisting my
standards, till they weren’t standards anymore
And sometimes, I wasn’t sure who I
was,
And if I wasn’t, someone else
was sure to define me;
Timid to some, confident to others-
There were times that contempt reigned,
each part showing,
Depending on who I was with.
My life was void of identity,
better that, than to;
Love without restrictions and end up in pain.
And so, this was me; battling
with truth that threatened to spill
And with the love that I was
capable of.
In all of these, fragility
soared,
Because a person cannot be
completely without truth,
And so, the little part of me that wanted to care,
without restrictions, was so desperate to be seen!
Searching in every window, the
ones that never lie,
For words with no voice.
Words that speak of being
antiques, to be loved
And to be special, carried with
care- and saved.
Because ‘tis what I desire.
I thought
I had it!
I could’ve sworn, I found it!
Hence, the see finish.
Like a boomerang, all of my expressions
of fragility, thrown back to me!
And that’s okay. I’ll try again.
Because the freedom that comes
with being yourself truly,
When you wear honesty, sashaying in it - freeing yourself of pretense
It’s like, jumping off a cliff.
Only experience, can tell it all.
